Are You Anxious About Being Single?

You scroll through WeChat Moments and see photos of same-sex couples traveling together; you browse social platforms and come across lesbian couples sharing their sweet daily moments. Then you look at yourself—eating alone, watching movies alone, not even having a crush you can chat with openly. Haven’t you had moments like this? A twinge of envy wells up, followed quickly by a trace of anxiety: “Why can everyone else find the right person so smoothly, but not me?” There’s no need to blame yourself, though—this kind of anxiety is completely normal.

First, it’s important to clarify: Feeling anxious when you see others happy while you haven’t found that happiness yourself isn’t being petty, nor is it a sign that you’re “not good enough.” It’s just human nature. Think about it—you’d feel anxious if others get their dream job offers while you’re still struggling in your job search; you’d feel nervous if others get into their ideal schools while you’re still preparing for exams. This “comparison anxiety” is just as common in love. For our lesbian community, in particular, it’s already harder to meet someone on the same wavelength compared to heterosexual people. So when we see same-sex couples (whether in real life or online) living happily, it’s easy to subconsciously compare their lives to ours. That’s when questions like “Is there something wrong with me?” or “How much longer do I have to wait?” pop up. But this anxiety actually hides a longing for “a sincere relationship”—and there’s nothing shameful about that.

What’s more, the “smoothness” you see in others is probably only “part of the truth.” Couples on social media mostly share their sweet moments; few people lay bare every detail of their relationships—the adjustments, arguments, and long waits. Maybe that woman who seems to get along so effortlessly with her partner has been on several unpleasant dates before. Maybe that couple showing off their engagement rings once endured a long-distance relationship and years of waiting. Just like flowers need time to bloom and bear fruit, “smoothness” in love is often “the result of countless setbacks”—it’s just that those setbacks are rarely seen by others. You only notice their current happiness, not the waiting and effort they put in, so you mistakenly think “it’s easy for everyone else”—and that only makes your anxiety worse.

Most importantly, there’s never a universal timeline for love. Some people meet their lifelong partners in their teens; others don’t find the right person until their thirties, by chance. Still, some wait until after forty to embrace their own love story. It’s like how flowers bloom in spring and bear fruit in autumn—different flowers have different blooming periods, and everyone’s love has its own “pace of arrival.” The fact that you haven’t met the right person isn’t because you’re not good enough or “unlucky.” It might just mean your “blooming period” hasn’t come yet, and you need a little more patience. Or maybe you haven’t found the right circle to meet someone who thinks and feels like you do.

So how can you ease this anxiety? Try replacing “comparison” with “blessing,” and “urgency” with “preparation.” When you see others’ sweetness, sincerely wish them well—and tell yourself, “My happiness will come when the time is right.” Instead of wasting time worrying about “why I can’t meet someone,” focus on improving yourself: learn a skill you love, meet more like-minded friends, and make your life more fulfilling. What’s more, be grateful that you haven’t met the wrong person or gone through a painful relationship. That’s a sign fate is saving the best meeting opportunity just for you. When you make your own life wonderful, you’ll not only reduce anxiety—you’ll also inadvertently attract people as amazing as you are.

If you feel lonely waiting alone and want to meet more girls who share your feelings, why not check out lespark? Here, there are many people who, just like you, are looking forward to love. Everyone shares their experiences and encourages each other. You can talk to them about your anxiety, or join platform events together to meet new friends in a relaxed vibe. Maybe during a casual chat, you’ll meet someone you really click with. Or while attending an event, you’ll realize: “There are so many people like me, waiting seriously for love.” lespark is willing to be your “matchmaking hub”—to accompany you through the waiting days, free from anxiety and confusion, as you slowly meet your own happiness.