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I have a boyfriend, but I consider myself a lesbian

Jan. 06, 2025, 10:10 AM Release

I have a boyfriend, but I consider myself a lesbian

What happens when you are in a relationship with a man but cannot feel his attraction? You may love and respect him, but you just can't feel the spark and passion. You may not be sure about your feelings, or feel that you are not sincere in love. In this situation, you are definitely not alone, as 92% of women have had doubts about their sexual orientation.

Am I a lesbian?

This question is a very personalized exploration process, and only you know your own feelings and cognition best.

Psychologically, you may have realized that no matter how hard you try in a heterosexual relationship, you cannot achieve true satisfaction. You may find yourself secretly attracted to women, but feel confused about whether this feeling is real. The most important thing is to understand that your feelings are genuine and worthy of respect and acceptance. Believe in your own heart, give yourself some time to explore this journey, and don't rush to label yourself. Everyone's identity is unique and worthy of respect.

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Re examine your sexual beliefs

Since childhood, you may have been told that romantic relationships should be a matter between men and women, which can cause shame or embarrassment when faced with romance or sexual attraction. You may find that in a relationship with a man, although you have deep feelings for him, even Platonic emotions, the relationship lacks passion and intimacy. Even if you do love him, you may not feel that romantic attraction and passion. In terms of sex, your relationship may also lack satisfaction.

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What is compulsive heterosexuality?

Compulsive heterosexuality is a theory proposed by Adrienne Rich, which holds that patriarchy and mainstream heterosexual society take heterosexuality for granted and force women to accept this concept. This theory holds that unless there is evidence to suggest that women are not heterosexual, society assumes they are heterosexual.

This phenomenon exacerbates the pressure that women often feel in heterosexual relationships, as they are instilled with the idea that they must play a certain predetermined role in the relationship. When they enter a relationship, they often realize that they are not truly attractive to men.

Are we born lesbian?

You may have heard the saying 'people are born lesbian', however, if you only realize your sexual orientation after dating men, you may feel confused. However, there is currently no scientific evidence to suggest that sexual orientation is inherently fixed, and there is no single gene or reason that can determine a person's sexual orientation.

Determining one's sexual orientation is a process that varies from person to person, typically the result of multiple factors working together, including genetics, life experiences, social environment, and individual differences. As you grow older, you will have a deeper understanding of yourself, a clearer recognition of your preferences and needs, and this process is natural and normal. Through the experience of interacting with men, you may gradually realize that you lack romantic or sexual attraction to men, which may also be part of your exploration of your sexual orientation.

How to tell your partner

Bringing up this topic with your partner may make you nervous, but it's important to sit down and talk honestly about your feelings. It's best to explain to them that this is your sexual preference and has nothing to do with what they may have done wrong.

If they feel confused or don't understand, even if they are unhappy, know that you honestly did the right thing for both of you.

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Live out your lesbian truth

Your focus should be on living your true self and enhancing confidence in your sexual orientation. In our gay safe space: LesPark, be your true self. LesPark is a lesbian friendly community where you can meet other lesbian people, discuss community issues, and be 100% yourself. Everyone can find the right person for themselves, download LesPark today!

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