20916334
ID：20916334
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20916334
8月前
The afternoon at home was quiet. The room only heard the slow-moving fan and the soft light from the window shining on the table. I leaned back in my chair, opened my old laptop to play some familiar sad songs. The soft, deep melodies seemed to flow in the air. They crept into my emotions without me realizing it, making my heart feel heavy as if someone had placed a rock on it.
I picked up my phone, opened Lien Quan as a habit whenever I wanted to forget everything. Today, I decided to climb the ranks with Astrid - the champion that I always felt safe playing in the top lane. The feeling of her sword swinging out, strong but also proud, always made me somewhat calm down.
"Well... let's go into the game to stop thinking about random things." - I whispered to myself, my eyes looking at the loading screen.
The music on the laptop played a familiar song. I turned it down, but the sad sound seemed to touch deep into my chest. Maybe because my mood was already empty.
The match began. I bought equipment, stepped up to the top, and was faced with a Richter. I thought to myself: “This is hard… but I’ll try.” I tried to farm, tried to keep my distance, tried not to make any mistakes. But it seemed like everything was against me today: the enemy jungler kept ganking, while my jungler was still busy in the bottom.
“Jungle… can you help me up top?” – I typed quickly.
No one answered.
I sighed and continued to fight. Astrid, despite her strength, couldn’t fight two or three enemy champions at the same time alone. I was forced to the tower, my resources were pushed down, and I was killed. Every time the screen went dark, my heart sank a little more.
The music was still playing. The lyrics about loneliness and loss of direction were repeated over and over again. I smiled slightly, an unhappy smile: “Sad music suits me so well…”
After 10 minutes, the top tower was destroyed. The enemy team won the fight in a row. A teammate started complaining:
“What is Top doing?”
I looked at the chat and was silent. I wanted to reply, but then deleted it. I just whispered to myself:
“I tried my best…”
The match lasted for a few more minutes before ending with a red screen of defeat. I put my phone down on the table and leaned back in my chair. The feeling of losing a game is sometimes nothing, but when it coincides with a bad mood, everything feels twice as heavy.
I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling, listening to the music playing. The dim light of the laptop screen shone on my face, and the phone screen had long since gone dark.
“Why am I so sad today…” – I asked myself, but could not find an answer.
Perhaps, it was simply that at times like this, I felt like I had just lost the game… and lost my own emotions. And in the empty room, with only sad music as my companion, I felt my heart floating like someone who had just lost my way.
