For Lesbians: Self-Compassion Is the Root of All Love
The glass of the late-night emergency room reflected Xiaoyu's red-rimmed eyes, her hand still shaking as she clutched her phone. On the screen was her girlfriend's last message: "My parents set up a blind date. Maybe we should call it quits." Three months ago, Xiaoyu quit her stable job in her hometown and traveled 2,000 kilometers to this city, just to be with her lover every day. She gave up her social circle, blocked her parents' calls, and centered her entire life around this relationship. But when the other person turned away, she didn't even have the strength to pick up the pieces. Stories like this aren't rare in the lesbian community.
In intimate relationships, lesbians often bear more pressure than heterosexuals. Social misunderstanding, family expectations, and the lack of legal protection make it easier for them to fall into a dilemma of worrying about gains and losses in love. To maintain relationships, some silently swallow their grievances, others deliberately please and compromise, and some even dissolve themselves completely into their partner's life path. Like hedgehogs huddling for warmth in the cold wind, getting too close only leaves both sides bruised. This self-sacrificing love seems deep but is actually dangerous—when the other person's warmth fades, those who've lost themselves can't find a foothold to stand up again.
"Love others by first loving yourself" isn't an empty slogan, but a wisdom for survival. It means holding onto your 底线 (boundaries) in relationships, not giving up principles out of fear of loss; it means preserving an independent personality and life, letting love be the icing on the cake of life rather than its entire meaning; and it means facing your own needs and feelings, daring to cut losses when disrespected. As writer Qiu Miaojin wrote in Montmartre 遗书 (Montmartre Last Words): "I've always been learning to love, and now I realize that loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." This kind of love is financial independence, emotional stability, and the confidence to embrace life passionately beyond relationships.
In a world that's still not inclusive enough, every step of our emotional exploration is full of thorns. But only when we learn to treat ourselves like treasures can we stay clear-headed and composed in love. The next time you face a relationship choice, remember: true love never asks you to extinguish your own light to shine on others. Turn your gentle gaze to yourself first. When your heart is full and self-sufficient, those kindred spirits will naturally follow the direction of the light.
