Lesbian Relationships: Healthy vs. Unhealthy

Within the LGBTQ+ community, lesbian relationships also require a clear understanding of healthy and unhealthy patterns to ensure that love truly nourishes both partners. Let’s explore the differences between unhealthy and healthy lesbian relationships to help everyone recognize and embrace beautiful love.

I. "Red Flags" in Unhealthy Relationships

1. Self-concealment and Repression

In the relationship, you’re afraid to show your full self to your partner, always carefully hiding certain traits or experiences. For example, you might love niche hobbies but never mention them for fear of being misunderstood; or you deliberately suppress your natural liveliness or sensitivity to cater to the other person, shrinking yourself to fit in. Over time, you’ll feel like you’ve "lost yourself" in love.

2. "Silence" on Needs and Thoughts

You’re afraid to make requests, even reasonable ones—like wanting more time together—for fear of rejection, so you keep them to yourself. When expressing opinions, you blindly comply; even if you disagree with their decisions, you stay quiet. The relationship becomes a battlefield of one-sided compromise, and love fades away in silence.

3. Monotony and Lack of Expectation

There are no surprises or sense of ritual in the relationship; each day feels like a "copy-paste" of the last. Your partner does nothing for special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries, and there’s no small romance in daily life. You grow less and less expectation for each other’s future and interactions, and the relationship gradually becomes stagnant.

4. Self-doubt and Unrealistic Expectations

The relationship makes you constantly wonder, "Am I not good enough?" Your partner’s attitude and conflicts in the relationship become weapons to attack yourself. Meanwhile, you have unrealistic fantasies about your partner—like demanding they be perfect and flawless at all times. When reality doesn’t match these fantasies, you fall into pain, but perfection doesn’t exist.

5. Confused Boundaries and Poor Problem-solving

There’s a lack of boundaries in interactions with others. For instance, one partner is overly intimate with other women, crossing lines with words or actions, making the other feel uneasy. When problems arise, you either avoid them pessimistically, belittle each other, or use cold violence to resolve issues. Conflicts snowball, growing bigger and hurting both partners.

II. "Green Lights" in Healthy Relationships

1. Sharing and Honesty

You take the initiative to share bits of your life with each other—from a cute cat you saw on the street to your plans for work or studies. You integrate each other into daily life, making your partner a "life partner," and deepen your connection through sharing.

2. "Speaking Up" About Needs and Thoughts

You feel comfortable expressing your needs and welcome your partner to do the same. Through "expressing and responding," you understand each other’s love and support. You bravely voice your ideas and opinions; even with disagreements, you communicate well, find balance through discussion, and keep the relationship full of vitality with mutual effort.

3. Rituals and Surprises

You prepare surprises for each other—carefully planning dates or giving thoughtful gifts for anniversaries. There are small daily rituals too, like a goodnight kiss before bed or a weekly "exclusive chat time." These seemingly small things keep the relationship energized and maintain high expectations.

4. Mutual Growth and Positive Emotions

You support each other in studies, careers, and self-improvement, encouraging one another to become better versions of yourselves. You stay emotionally stable and optimistic; when facing difficulties, you don’t blame each other but work together to find solutions. Love becomes a safe haven against life’s storms.

5. Clear Self-awareness and A Sense of Security

You have a clear understanding of yourself—knowing your strengths and weaknesses—and don’t deny yourself because of the relationship. You feel secure in the relationship, trusting your partner and believing you’re worthy of love. You get along easily and steadily, without needing to constantly "check up on each other" or live in anxiety.

6. Upholding Principles and Boundaries

Both partners have their own principles and bottom lines. You respect each other’s boundaries and know how to maintain an appropriate distance from other people (whether opposite or same sex). This keeps the love circle "clean and pure," giving each other full peace of mind.

Love is meant to be beautiful. No matter your sexual orientation, you deserve to feel and share love in a healthy relationship. May every lesbian friend recognize the "traps" of unhealthy relationships and embrace the warmth of healthy ones. Because love is love—your love deserves to be nourished and to bloom brilliantly.