How to Tell If You’re a Lesbian or Bisexual?
“Am I attracted to women, or could I like men too?” “I feel more drawn to women, but I liked a guy before—what does that make me?” If you’ve been stuck with these questions, take a breath first: Sexual orientation isn’t a multiple-choice question. It’s a journey of getting to know yourself better over time. You don’t have to label yourself right away, and no one is forcing you to be “100% sure” of anything.
I. The Key Difference: Who Attracts You, and How?
The most important factor in figuring out your orientation isn’t who you liked in the past—it’s the overall pattern of who you’re romantically, emotionally, physically, and intimately drawn to, naturally.
Finding someone aesthetically pleasing isn’t the same as having a romantic crush. Emotional closeness doesn’t equal sexual attraction. These layers can feel different, but when you look at your reactions as a whole, the answer is often already in your heart.
II. You Might Be More Likely a Lesbian If…
You struggle to feel genuine romantic sparks with men. Imagining physical intimacy with a man makes you uncomfortable. Any past relationships with men felt more like “checking a box for society” than something you truly wanted.
And when you picture your future partner, your ideal intimate relationship, or sharing your deepest emotions with someone—the first person that comes to mind is a woman.
Lots of lesbians tried dating men before embracing their identity. More often than not, those relationships were driven by social expectations, not real, internal attraction.
III. You Might Be More Likely Bisexual If…
You’ve had real, heartfelt crushes on people of different genders—crushes that made you feel sad when things didn’t work out, and daydreams about dating them that felt sweet.
Bisexuality doesn’t mean you like men and women equally, or that you have to split your attraction “50/50”. You could be 90% drawn to women and 10% to men, and you’re still bisexual. Many bisexual women say it best: “I’m attracted to people—not genders.”
IV. Common Myths to Avoid While Exploring (Memorize These!)
Liking a guy before doesn’t mean you can’t be a lesbian.
Feeling more drawn to women but still appreciating men’s looks doesn’t mean you aren’t bisexual.
Never having dated a woman doesn’t invalidate any identity you claim.
And the most important myth of all: You don’t have to figure this out right now. Sexual orientation can be fluid. It may evolve as you gain more life experience and self-awareness—and you always have the right to adjust your label whenever you want.
V. 3 Effective Ways to Figure It Out for Yourself
Ask yourself these questions honestly:
What gender is your ideal partner?
What gender of people have made you feel that “in-love” spark?
When you imagine intimacy, which gender makes you feel the most natural, comfortable, and eager to get close?
When you let yourself answer without holding back, a lot of your doubts will start to fade.
VI. Take Your Time—You Don’t Have to Define Yourself Hurriedly
No one knows your heart better than you do. You can explore today and have a new realization tomorrow. You can choose not to label yourself now and decide later.
Every identity is worthy of respect—and you deserve to be gentle and patient with yourself through this process.
VII. You’re Not Alone on This Journey
On the LesPark community, you’ll find countless women who are also exploring their identities, who’ve already found their answers, or who are looking for support. They share their stories: their first crushes, their struggles with self-acceptance, and their experiences dating people of different genders.
You can read their stories, ask questions anonymously, and meet girls who are going through the exact same thing. Through these interactions, you’ll slowly find your own path.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether you end up identifying as a lesbian, bisexual, or are still exploring—may this journey bring you closer to your truest self.
