Sexual orientation is never black and white
Who hasn’t hidden a little confusion about crushes in their teenage diary? When your heart races at the smile of your same-sex desk mate, you can’t help but wonder: Is this just admiration between close friends, or the "queer attraction" people talk about? As we grow up and hear the label "Lesbian", we overthink even more: Is my love for women "pure enough"? If I once had a crush on a man, does that mean I’m not a "real Lesbian"?
You’re far from alone in this struggle. It all stems from the binary thinking we’ve been taught since childhood—we’re conditioned to box people into just two categories: heterosexual or homosexual, as if it’s an absolute either-or choice with no middle ground. But in reality, countless people’s love stories defy this rigid classification. Psychology has long proven this truth: sexual orientation is a fluid spectrum, and lesbian identity, in particular, can never be reduced to a simple "yes or no".
The Sexual Configurations Theory (SCT) proposed by psychologist van Anders in 2015 completely debunks this black-and-white mindset. Simply put, this theory states: sexual orientation is not just about "liking men or women". It is a complex mix shaped by gender traits, types of attraction, shifting emotions with age, and more. For example, some people are drawn to kindness and tenderness—regardless of whether that person is a woman or a non-binary individual. Some feel intense romantic love for women, yet experience different sexual attraction patterns. Others only had crushes on women in their youth, then discovered new romantic possibilities in certain relationships as they matured. These seemingly "contradictory" feelings are all completely normal under this theory.
You might be asking: If we emphasize "fluidity", does that make lesbian identity less "authentic"? Quite the opposite. Genuine self-identity is never about trapping yourself in a label—it’s about courageously facing your true feelings. We see this all around us: someone who once firmly identified as a lesbian later found themselves attracted to transgender women; someone who dated men in their youth due to social pressure took years to embrace their love for women; others choose not to label themselves at all, knowing only that they are drawn to different traits in people at different stages of life. These changes are never a "betrayal"—they are proof that you are growing to know yourself better each day.
The problem with traditional sexual orientation labels is simple: they try to fit the infinite complexity of human sexuality into a tiny set of rigid boxes. For instance, there’s no "official label" for someone who falls deeply in love with a transgender woman; some people have never been in a romantic relationship, yet know clearly they feel romantic love for women; others adore both a woman’s gentle softness and the cool confidence of androgynous style. These "unconventional" experiences are the true face of human diversity. The Sexual Configurations Theory replaces restrictive "boxes" with a flexible "spectrum"—it makes space for all these messy, real feelings. Love can be diverse, affections can shift, and identity can evolve. This is not "immaturity"; it is radical honesty with yourself.
A critical note: Talking about fluidity is never meant to invalidate those who firmly identify as lesbians. In fact, many people find their safe "comfort zone" on this spectrum, and use the lesbian label to connect with like-minded people and embrace their true selves—and this identity deserves immense respect. What we should let go of is our obsession with black-and-white rules: don’t doubt that you’re "not valid" as a lesbian just because you once liked a man; don’t call someone "inauthentic" just because their attractions have changed; and never impose rigid labels to control how others see themselves.
In LesPark—a diverse, inclusive community—we witness these beautiful identity journeys every single day: someone with a clear label meets their perfect match; someone untangles their self-doubt through heartfelt conversations; someone discovers new romantic sides of themselves as time goes by. All these stories share one core truth: the heart of lesbian identity is not about fitting a "perfect standard"—it’s about accepting your true heart. Labels are tools to help us find our people and understand ourselves. They are never a cage that traps us.
One day, when we stop fixating on whether we’re a "proper lesbian", and stop judging others’ relationships through a narrow binary lens, we will finally understand the true essence of love: it has nothing to do with labels. It only matters with genuine attraction, and sincere emotional connection. Like that fluid spectrum of sexuality—every shade of love, every type of attraction, has its place in this world. Everyone who finds their way on that spectrum deserves to be seen, and respected.
As for identity itself? It’s simple. Find your comfortable place on the spectrum, and embrace your truth unapologetically. That is more than enough.
